Terrible skin, dull hair, bloated stomach, awful appetite and a whole lot of shame: I was going through one of those phases. What did I decide would make it all better? Behold…. The Lemonade Diet! (Nah, not the fizzy kind… As much as I’d have loved that).
Even though I’ve never been one for dieting or detoxing, experimentation called and prompted me to believe a detox would fix my ugly phase.
The Lemonade Diet (Master Cleanse) is in short, a syrupy-lemon drink with a bit of chilli pepper. The actual ingredients are filtered water, fresh lemon juice, pure maple syrup and cayenne chilli pepper. You abstain from solid foods for 10 days and drink only this concoction. It’s all a bit confusing – I never actually figured out exact ingredient measurements, the number of cups you’re supposed to have, whether you should drink it at certain times, etc. All I knew was that 10-14 days was an absolute myth and I’d give it a go for 3, as recommended by some of the nutrition blogs I cited in my investigation on whether to go ahead with this.
Day One: I’m 2 glasses in, it’s almost midday, and I have a headache. My stomach feels weak and I want to gag. I am sad. How have I flopped after 5 hours?
Some hummus and pitta later and I start again. I found myself needing to snack lightly on peanuts and chocolate throughout the day because I physically could not function without some solid food. My head was so light and my eyes so sore and sensitive to light. There wasn’t a moment I was stood that I wasn’t in fear of fainting. I flopped as soon as I got home – I was exhausted.
Day Two: My tummy’s giving me a good few rumbles at work, but at least the breakfast I defo wasn’t supposed to have has stopped me from fainting.
I woke up in the morning dry-heaving and took the initiative to have a bagel and some bacon. After that, I was an absolute trooper throughout the day. I discovered that adding extra lemon and a little less chilli pepper made the drink tastier, and sipping it throughout the day, over having set cups, was much more beneficial.
However, when it hit 8pm and I was offered a McDonalds…. I’m sure you know where this is going.
Day Three: The end is nigh and I’ve done my work experience, but I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to manage a day in life without solid food.
I had the same breakfast as day two, and absolutely stormed through the rest of the day (barring a mini Cadbury caramel egg). Frequent sips were the way to go, it’s just a shame the chilli pepper never stopped burning my lips and tickling my throat. I had more energy on the final day; I’m yet to figure out if that’s because my half-arsed attempt at detoxing was working or if I was just excited that it was the weekend. When midnight struck, I enjoyed the best bowl of frosties that I’ve ever had. Thank fuck that’s over I sighed between mouthfuls.
To conclude, my attempt at this detox was shameful, and yet still unbelievably challenging. My theory that the more toxins I “flushed out” over my Easter holidays meant the more I could plough into myself for my last term at Uni felt stupid as ever. Sadly, my skin was worse which I’m guessing was from the maple syrup and I didn’t feel any less bloated. Fortunately, my energy levels are still pretty good as I write this two days later. Perhaps performing this detox maybe 2 days a week would be beneficial and easier as your body accustoms to it.
Drop me a comment on your thoughts on this cleanse, whether you’ve done it or not!
Josie Marie x